"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer."
- Rainer Maria Rilke
Today I was reading the blog of a friend and I was wildly impressed. His eloquent tongue and journey of what I consider self-discovery was astounding and entertaining and impressive. Sometimes I feel like you get rare chances to really see a person and it's a treasure. Pure gold for your soul. So while I sat reading these blog posts I started reflecting on myself...and where I am at on my path. I thought a first step to discovering who I am today is to talk about my passions, my loves, those things that get me through. And from there perhaps other answers will come to me as well.
I Love...
My parents. They are my rocks. Sometimes it's like I'm a kite and it's gotten a little too windy and they are holding on to the line and they have to pull me back in...but all the while still letting me soar. Cliche? Maybe. But it's true. I can say with all honesty that I am the woman I am today because of my parents and the experiences we've had together. And those experiences haven't always been good. In fact, some of them have been really crappy. I'll always hate hospitals and I'll always hate phone calls in the middle of the day that start with "Is someone there with you?" before bad news comes. But in retrospect the hard times with my family have been the reason that we are strong, and close, and always living in the moment. The hard times are why we never go more than a couple months without seeing each other, and hardly go days without emailing or talking on the phone. And the hard times are why we always say I love you. The hard times are why my family is the most important thing to me in this life. And for that, I am thankful for the hard times. My dad is my hero, and my mom always has all the answers. Together they are perfect and I'm so lucky that they are mine.
My Boyfriend. What a crazy crazy ride. Totally unexpected and so brilliant at the same time. Matt is confirmation that things really do happen for a reason. The reason people move across the country without jobs, and leave best friends, and family, and the only life they've really known. And what could have been a really hard change became a really great beginning. And the best part is the story is still going. Matt really is the definition of a best friend. And that's all I could ask for.
My puppy. Everyone says their puppy. But Cooper rocks. When you're sad Cooper will just crawl over and lay his head in your lap. He has these big eyes and he'll just look at you..and he smiles! And he'll play with you and cuddle with you and give you kisses. How could that NOT make you happy?!
New people.
New experiences.
Really good glasses of wine.
Best friends. Like the "since first grade" variety. The best friends who no matter what you've done or what you've said or how far apart you've grown can snap you back like a rubber band and get you back to the right place. The type of best friend who is waiting at the end of the hall in a crisis, has shared in all your precious "becoming a big kid" experiences, who has seen you cry (a lot), but even more has seen you laugh...the kind of laugh that makes it so it is hard to breathe. Those types of friends are rare. And mine is Shelleron.
Girlfriends. You collect acquaintances throughout your life but a precious few stay really close. The kind that are spread across the country but can reunite and be right back where you started. Who can live in small, dark, college apartments with you, and have danced at the field house with you, and have shared in so many amazing moments and memories its hard to list them out. But they've loved you. And while they are all so different in so many ways, really you're all the same. Elizabeth. Megan. Amby. Rachel. Ashley. Anna.
Friends from High School who have helped shape you. Friends who you gossiped with, and shared drama with, and felt heartache for the first time with. Friends who you'll always check in with, and make sure things are okay, because that is what you do. Nicole. Jen. Rach.
A best friend who became a brother.
The smell of fresh cut glass.
Ceramics. Sinking your hands into clay, molding it, making something out of nothing.
The mountains.
Snowboarding.
Holding hands.
Waking up without an alarm.
Breakfast in bed.
Nice sheets.
Sunny days.
Rainy days that force movie marathons.
Chocolate. Every. Single. Day.
Watching my friends get married.
Hearing my friends are pregnant. Seeing pictures of their babies for the first time.
Facebook. What would life be without stalking?
Pictures. Every moment is a memory that should be preserved.
Vacations.
Camping. The tent is growing on me.
Hiking with Matt and Cooper.
Watching Coop swim. Watching Coop chase tennis balls. Watching Coop grow up.
The feeling after you get done working out at the gym.
Hugs.
Pretty purses.
Fancy dinners.
Movie theater popcorn.
Good music. Songs that explain exactly what you are feeling.
Dancing.
Martinis.
High heels.
Pilot Gel pens. Yes, they are worth the money.
Books. Books. Books.
Hooded sweatshirts.
Iowa Thunderstorms. When the rain comes down in sheets.
My grandmother's whoopie pies.
My grandmother.
Ugg Boots. Made fun of them and now total believer for life.
Gerber Daisies.
Tulips.
Daydreams.
Feeling beautiful.
God. Because he gave me all these things. And without him, this wouldn't be possible.
I love.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
How to Be Single
"And that was why I loved Georgia. And that's how this weekend I ended up spearheading an outing with my mismatched set of friends to make her feel like life was worth living. Because at the end of the day, it's night. And in New York, if it's night there's nightlife, and when there's life, as most optimists will be happy to tell you, there's always hope. And i guess that's a big part of how to be single. Hope. Friends. And making sure you get out of your damn apartment."
Cool quote, huh? I'm reading this new book, "How to be Single" by Liz Tuccillo (she was coauthor of "He's Just Not That Into You" a great book and a funny movie). And I am loving it. The premise of the book is easy...narrator has a friend who has just divorced her husband and so she takes her out on the town with her single friends to show her a good time. Somewhere between before-dinner cocktails at the steakhouse and emergency room visit at the end of the night she finds herself wondering how women all over the world do it. The big IT. Being single. Now I'm only a couple chapters in and the narrator (Julie) has made her first stop in France. She's revved up because she has just read a statistic that there are more single women in the United States than married ones...and there's always a quest to find "the one" and often you end up disappointed anyway. The french give her insights to love (and how to keep it), marriage (how to make it work), and life (you only have one, so live it), and this is only her first stop on her journey.
The coolest thing I find about this whole topic is not WHY are you single but HOW are you single? And clearly a TON of women are single because (gasp) they like it. Certainly the world we live in today is different than our parents, and much different than our grandparents. No longer is it common to see young ladies marrying right out of high school and while many of my friends have the ability (and desire) to be stay at home moms it is no longer the norm. The book had a cool preface, "As more and more women become economically independent, their need for personal freedom increases, and that often results in not marrying so quickly." I struggle with this fact. I can only speak for myself, and being in a relationship I guess I can't speak as a single lady, but I am not married...and I DO think part of that is because of my desire to want to figure out where I am going first..and know that I can do it on my own...and knowing that while some days I do wake up and say "WHY am I not married yet?!" there is the other side that does tell me that I am going to get to a place that I am happy with myself (financially and otherwise) and my other half will do the same...and so when we do get married all we will need to concentrate on being married(at least for that first 10 minutes until another road block jumps in our way). And whether this is a product of my mother's teaching, or society's change, or some little drive inside of me that wants something different in my life right now...I don't know. Maybe it's fear.
I question the differences in commitment between now and when my grandparents got married. Back then you got married and you didn't get divorced. Now days 1 out of 2 couples are going to get divorced. What is this? And is this enough to make you want to stay single? It is certainly a scary thought. And how do you know the person you want to marry when you're 22 is the person you'll want to be with when you 35 or 53 or 89 on the porch in the rocking chairs. And is it worth the risk to find out? And why is it okay for a man to be older with greying hair and he is a "great catch" and a woman is in the same place and it's "too bad for you, the good ones are all taken."
You know what I heard today? A co-worker (female) in my office told me that she thought having babies at 30 was too old. What?! Really? I only have 5 years left? I asked her why she thought this...and she told me that a young woman's body is ready to have babies and can bounce back quickly after giving birth...where as an older woman's body is not as easily ready to do that.
Don't get me wrong. I want to get married, and have babies, and have the house with the picket fence and the rockers on the porch when I'm 89 years old. But I have to believe that I would be okay without those things too. To me the interesting aspect of this whole rambling is how do we do it? When everywhere I turn someone is asking me, "When are you getting married" or "When do you think you'll have kids" or I hear someone ask my friend, "Why are you single? You're gorgeous!" How do you stay in the place you are, if you're comfortable being there, without needing an "excuse?" The other day I told someone in my office that if I go to law school it's possible I won't get married for another 3 years (at least) and she told me, "Oh, Annalisa that's silly. You can get married when you're in law school." as if I needed to have "hope". How frustrating. If a man said, "I don't know if I'll get married in the next 5 years." nobody would hold his hand and tell him not to worry, his time will come.
Now I'm kind of starting to sound like the poster child for not getting married. My boyfriend might just enjoy this blog entry (and use it against me I'm sure). And I'll be honest, I may have asked my boyfriend, "When are we going to get married" from time to time (ha), but I guess what I'm realizing from this book is that there are so many other factors to my life that I want right now. And to focus on marriage as that one thing I "need" to do right now...well that just isn't who I am at this point in my life. And to all my married friends don't think I'm dissing you...I think it's wonderful that you have found a person to love and you're in that place, and you're happy. To me, this discussion is more about realizing as a woman that we don't need to always be searching for a man for our life to truly begin. We should all be living it right now regardless. And even if you do have a man, my thought right now on keeping it work is never losing the part of yourself that knows that being a woman without a man rocks. (Cue BEST highlight from that night in college, or high school, or life when you're having the best time with your girlfriends) If you, right now, are choosing to be single (whether for career reasons, self-exploration reasons, or just because you're not settling for anyone less than the best) I applaud you. And if you're married, having babies, and living your life as you always dreamed it, I applaud you too.
Cool quote, huh? I'm reading this new book, "How to be Single" by Liz Tuccillo (she was coauthor of "He's Just Not That Into You" a great book and a funny movie). And I am loving it. The premise of the book is easy...narrator has a friend who has just divorced her husband and so she takes her out on the town with her single friends to show her a good time. Somewhere between before-dinner cocktails at the steakhouse and emergency room visit at the end of the night she finds herself wondering how women all over the world do it. The big IT. Being single. Now I'm only a couple chapters in and the narrator (Julie) has made her first stop in France. She's revved up because she has just read a statistic that there are more single women in the United States than married ones...and there's always a quest to find "the one" and often you end up disappointed anyway. The french give her insights to love (and how to keep it), marriage (how to make it work), and life (you only have one, so live it), and this is only her first stop on her journey.
The coolest thing I find about this whole topic is not WHY are you single but HOW are you single? And clearly a TON of women are single because (gasp) they like it. Certainly the world we live in today is different than our parents, and much different than our grandparents. No longer is it common to see young ladies marrying right out of high school and while many of my friends have the ability (and desire) to be stay at home moms it is no longer the norm. The book had a cool preface, "As more and more women become economically independent, their need for personal freedom increases, and that often results in not marrying so quickly." I struggle with this fact. I can only speak for myself, and being in a relationship I guess I can't speak as a single lady, but I am not married...and I DO think part of that is because of my desire to want to figure out where I am going first..and know that I can do it on my own...and knowing that while some days I do wake up and say "WHY am I not married yet?!" there is the other side that does tell me that I am going to get to a place that I am happy with myself (financially and otherwise) and my other half will do the same...and so when we do get married all we will need to concentrate on being married(at least for that first 10 minutes until another road block jumps in our way). And whether this is a product of my mother's teaching, or society's change, or some little drive inside of me that wants something different in my life right now...I don't know. Maybe it's fear.
I question the differences in commitment between now and when my grandparents got married. Back then you got married and you didn't get divorced. Now days 1 out of 2 couples are going to get divorced. What is this? And is this enough to make you want to stay single? It is certainly a scary thought. And how do you know the person you want to marry when you're 22 is the person you'll want to be with when you 35 or 53 or 89 on the porch in the rocking chairs. And is it worth the risk to find out? And why is it okay for a man to be older with greying hair and he is a "great catch" and a woman is in the same place and it's "too bad for you, the good ones are all taken."
You know what I heard today? A co-worker (female) in my office told me that she thought having babies at 30 was too old. What?! Really? I only have 5 years left? I asked her why she thought this...and she told me that a young woman's body is ready to have babies and can bounce back quickly after giving birth...where as an older woman's body is not as easily ready to do that.
Don't get me wrong. I want to get married, and have babies, and have the house with the picket fence and the rockers on the porch when I'm 89 years old. But I have to believe that I would be okay without those things too. To me the interesting aspect of this whole rambling is how do we do it? When everywhere I turn someone is asking me, "When are you getting married" or "When do you think you'll have kids" or I hear someone ask my friend, "Why are you single? You're gorgeous!" How do you stay in the place you are, if you're comfortable being there, without needing an "excuse?" The other day I told someone in my office that if I go to law school it's possible I won't get married for another 3 years (at least) and she told me, "Oh, Annalisa that's silly. You can get married when you're in law school." as if I needed to have "hope". How frustrating. If a man said, "I don't know if I'll get married in the next 5 years." nobody would hold his hand and tell him not to worry, his time will come.
Now I'm kind of starting to sound like the poster child for not getting married. My boyfriend might just enjoy this blog entry (and use it against me I'm sure). And I'll be honest, I may have asked my boyfriend, "When are we going to get married" from time to time (ha), but I guess what I'm realizing from this book is that there are so many other factors to my life that I want right now. And to focus on marriage as that one thing I "need" to do right now...well that just isn't who I am at this point in my life. And to all my married friends don't think I'm dissing you...I think it's wonderful that you have found a person to love and you're in that place, and you're happy. To me, this discussion is more about realizing as a woman that we don't need to always be searching for a man for our life to truly begin. We should all be living it right now regardless. And even if you do have a man, my thought right now on keeping it work is never losing the part of yourself that knows that being a woman without a man rocks. (Cue BEST highlight from that night in college, or high school, or life when you're having the best time with your girlfriends) If you, right now, are choosing to be single (whether for career reasons, self-exploration reasons, or just because you're not settling for anyone less than the best) I applaud you. And if you're married, having babies, and living your life as you always dreamed it, I applaud you too.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
American Honey
She grew up on a side of the road
Where the church bells ring and strong love grows
She grew up good
She grew up slow
Like American Honey
Steady as a preacher
Free as a weed
Couldn't wait to get goin'
But wasn't quite ready to leave
So innocent, pure and sweet
American Honey
There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowin' in the wind
Callin' out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summertime
And American Honey
Get caught in the race
Of this crazy life
Tryin' to be everything can make you lose your mind
I just wanna go back in time
To American honey, yeah
There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowin' in the wind
Callin' out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summertime
And American Honey
Gone for so long now
I gotta get back to her somewhow
To American Honey
Ooh There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowin' in the wind
Callin' out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summertime
And American honey
And American honey
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Cancun!!
Hello blog! It's been awhile. I spent the last week in Cancun, Mexico soaking up the sun (and warmth) and thought I would share some of my time there with you. You will be happy to hear that I left Cancun (where the weather was in the 80's every day) and landed in Denver Sunday with overcast skies and a balmy 23 degrees. We got snow here yesterday (awesome commute by the way) so I am back to reality. PERFECT time for a blog entry to get my mind back to the beach...
Tuesday, February 2nd
I arrived in Cancun late Tuesday afternoon. This was my first time out of the United States so customs/immigration was a new experience for me. I made it to the resort around 5:30 in time to find Shelley already in the pool! After a huge hug (travel clothes now soaking wet) I knew vacation had begun. After getting a beer from the resort pool bar I headed upstairs to get changed for the evening. Dinner Tuesday night was spent at the Japanese restaurant and then drinks at the outdoor bar. Ahhh paradise.
(picture of the Resort)
Wednesday, February 3rd
Wednesday we woke up early and headed down to breakfast. After breakfast we met up with everyone in the lobby to head to our destination: Catamaran boat trip for the morning! We went out on the boat and spend 1 1/2 hours sailing around the ocean. We stopped outside of Isle Mujeres and went snorkeling. I saw SO many different kinds/colors of fish, coral, starfish, and even a baracuda! This was a huge step for me as usually I won't even jump in a lake for fear that the fish will bite...here I was actually SWIMMING into schools of fish...they were so close to me I could touch them! The experience was pretty amazing and after we were done we stopped on the island of Isle Murjeres to shop and walk around. Then it was back to the boat for a sail back to Cancun. Wednesday night we had dinner at the Brazillian Restaurant at our hotel. It was an early night for everyone as we were all tired from the full day and the wedding was Thursday so everyone wanted to feel their best!
(picture of us on the boat, on the beach before the boat, and at the Brazillian Restaurant).
Thursday, February 4th
Thursday was a big day (for the wedding party, anyway)! Shelley left me in the morning to go get her hair done and I had a nice day by the pool. I was reading the last Twilight book (and almost at the end) so I spent the day reading and relaxing. Around 2PM I headed upstairs to get ready and then went over to Wendi's room where all the bridesmaids were getting ready with Wendi. I took pictures of Wendi with her mom and dad and all the girls out on the balcony. I also took pictures at the wedding with Wendi and Shane's nice camera so that they could have some pictures of their big day! That night we had dinner at the steakhouse at the resort and then headed to the outdoor bar and then the DISCO (yes, it's called a disco) at the resort to dance the night away! The wedding and day were perfect!
(picture of Shelley and me before the wedding)
Friday, February 5th
Stayed up too late Thursday...had to sleep in. Shelley and I headed down to eat lunch around 11 and spent the next couple hours by the pool. Around 2PM a storm rolled in and the rain started falling. It was a perfect excuse to spend the afternoon napping and watching movies. We took it easy at night too...nice day to recover from the wedding craziness!
Saturday, February 6th
Our last full day in Cancun and we made the best of it! We woke up early and headed downstairs to find a GORGEOUS day before us! We had breakfast outside by the pool and then laid by the pool to soak up some sun. At 10AM Shelley and I had appointments to get massages at the hotel spa (wonderful), and then we headed back to the pool. We ate lunch (theme of the vacation, lots of eating, laying around, more eating, and drinking). We then headed down to the ocean to swim around and then it was back to the pool bar! The resort had a swim up bar which I thought was the coolest thing ever...so you will see many pictures documenting this! They also had an "infinity" pool which looked right over into the ocean...it was so neat! Saturday afternoon we went upstairs and got dressed for dinner. We headed off the resort with a big group and did some shopping and went and had dinner at an authentic mexican restaurant "Calypso's". It was a great time and the owner of the restaurant even lined us up a row of tequilla shots to take behind the bar in celebration of the bride and groom! This was a perfect way to say goodbye to Cancun.
(pictures of the ocean, laying by the pool, swim-up bar, and last night in Cancun)
Sunday, February 7
Sunday morning Shelley and I woke up at 3:45 AM to meet our shuttle to the airport in the lobby by 4:30AM. My flight left at 7:45 and Shelley's left at 8AM. It was so sad to leave Cancun behind but what a trip! I can't wait to plan my next tropical vacation....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)