Self-Discovery #435

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer."

- Rainer Maria Rilke

Today I was reading the blog of a friend and I was wildly impressed. His eloquent tongue and journey of what I consider self-discovery was astounding and entertaining and impressive. Sometimes I feel like you get rare chances to really see a person and it's a treasure. Pure gold for your soul. So while I sat reading these blog posts I started reflecting on myself...and where I am at on my path. I thought a first step to discovering who I am today is to talk about my passions, my loves, those things that get me through. And from there perhaps other answers will come to me as well.

I Love...

My parents. They are my rocks. Sometimes it's like I'm a kite and it's gotten a little too windy and they are holding on to the line and they have to pull me back in...but all the while still letting me soar. Cliche? Maybe. But it's true. I can say with all honesty that I am the woman I am today because of my parents and the experiences we've had together. And those experiences haven't always been good. In fact, some of them have been really crappy. I'll always hate hospitals and I'll always hate phone calls in the middle of the day that start with "Is someone there with you?" before bad news comes. But in retrospect the hard times with my family have been the reason that we are strong, and close, and always living in the moment. The hard times are why we never go more than a couple months without seeing each other, and hardly go days without emailing or talking on the phone. And the hard times are why we always say I love you. The hard times are why my family is the most important thing to me in this life. And for that, I am thankful for the hard times. My dad is my hero, and my mom always has all the answers. Together they are perfect and I'm so lucky that they are mine.

My Boyfriend. What a crazy crazy ride. Totally unexpected and so brilliant at the same time. Matt is confirmation that things really do happen for a reason. The reason people move across the country without jobs, and leave best friends, and family, and the only life they've really known. And what could have been a really hard change became a really great beginning. And the best part is the story is still going. Matt really is the definition of a best friend. And that's all I could ask for.

My puppy. Everyone says their puppy. But Cooper rocks. When you're sad Cooper will just crawl over and lay his head in your lap. He has these big eyes and he'll just look at you..and he smiles! And he'll play with you and cuddle with you and give you kisses. How could that NOT make you happy?!

New people.
New experiences.
Really good glasses of wine.

Best friends. Like the "since first grade" variety. The best friends who no matter what you've done or what you've said or how far apart you've grown can snap you back like a rubber band and get you back to the right place. The type of best friend who is waiting at the end of the hall in a crisis, has shared in all your precious "becoming a big kid" experiences, who has seen you cry (a lot), but even more has seen you laugh...the kind of laugh that makes it so it is hard to breathe. Those types of friends are rare. And mine is Shelleron.

Girlfriends. You collect acquaintances throughout your life but a precious few stay really close. The kind that are spread across the country but can reunite and be right back where you started. Who can live in small, dark, college apartments with you, and have danced at the field house with you, and have shared in so many amazing moments and memories its hard to list them out. But they've loved you. And while they are all so different in so many ways, really you're all the same. Elizabeth. Megan. Amby. Rachel. Ashley. Anna.

Friends from High School who have helped shape you. Friends who you gossiped with, and shared drama with, and felt heartache for the first time with. Friends who you'll always check in with, and make sure things are okay, because that is what you do. Nicole. Jen. Rach.

A best friend who became a brother.

The smell of fresh cut glass.
Ceramics. Sinking your hands into clay, molding it, making something out of nothing.
The mountains.
Snowboarding.
Holding hands.
Waking up without an alarm.
Breakfast in bed.
Nice sheets.
Sunny days.
Rainy days that force movie marathons.
Chocolate. Every. Single. Day.
Watching my friends get married.
Hearing my friends are pregnant. Seeing pictures of their babies for the first time.
Facebook. What would life be without stalking?
Pictures. Every moment is a memory that should be preserved.
Vacations.
Camping. The tent is growing on me.
Hiking with Matt and Cooper.
Watching Coop swim. Watching Coop chase tennis balls. Watching Coop grow up.
The feeling after you get done working out at the gym.
Hugs.
Pretty purses.
Fancy dinners.
Movie theater popcorn.
Good music. Songs that explain exactly what you are feeling.
Dancing.
Martinis.
High heels.
Pilot Gel pens. Yes, they are worth the money.
Books. Books. Books.
Hooded sweatshirts.
Iowa Thunderstorms. When the rain comes down in sheets.
My grandmother's whoopie pies.
My grandmother.
Ugg Boots. Made fun of them and now total believer for life.
Gerber Daisies.
Tulips.
Daydreams.
Feeling beautiful.

God. Because he gave me all these things. And without him, this wouldn't be possible.

I love.